did you get engaged???
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
