Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
