Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
