Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my sisters under your porch take her home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
