you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He felt like a one man threesome
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
