i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
