not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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