I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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