I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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