After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
