What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
