3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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