They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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