Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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