Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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