You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
