I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
