Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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