How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
her vagine was all disorganized.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
