Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
