You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
