I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He did a backflip because drugs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
