I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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