You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Buhtt sex?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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