do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
