hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
