I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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