When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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