A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
