Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
