i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
