I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
