so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
