when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
