I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
