If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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