i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
