just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
