If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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