summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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