It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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