I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
