Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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