We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
