May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
zippers are such a cool invention
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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