a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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