I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
