I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
