So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
