It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
