we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
